Emotions – sometimes they’re just a pain in far too many ways. So what do you do with them?
The joy of being human is that we get to experience a wide range of emotions, that allow us to compare and contrast our different states. Emotions are how our nonconscious mind gets our conscious attention.
Emotions in themselves are just an effect of neurochemical structure. No more, no .less. But these emotions enable us to feel and apply meaning to the world.
Some emotions have very similar representations such as anxiety and excitement. In both, the heart beats faster, cortisol surges, and the body prepares for action. In other words, they’re “arousal congruent – or aroused emotions. The only difference is that excitement is a positive emotion‚ focused on all the ways something could go well.
Emotions create feelings in our bodies. These feelings are designed to keep us safe in the world – through sensing temperature, equilibrium, sounds, all sorts of experiences. A sad feeling helps us process emotions of grief, loss and uncertainty. Feeling tired, or demotivated and down, may be a way of shutting the body or mind down to recover from an event, series of events, or neurochemical /neuro circuitry overload.
Its unsurprising that many people try to avoid or supress emotions. People will advise “Think positive”, make a happy list, pull your socks up and a range of other platitudes are spouted as options to change your state.
We try and drug the things we don’t want to feel through food, tv, alcohol, over working, television, over exercise, any avoidance strategy can work – for a while. After my late husband died, my diversionary tactic allowed me to avoid feeling the hard stuff for years – feeding my brain with learning and information. Reading any brain science article, I could get my hands on. But what if there was a simpler and faster way?
Sooner or later you’re going to feel something you don’t like. Its very useful to have a strategy set up in advance. Trust your non conscious mind, and its ability to keep you safe. You can do this through a number of processes, but confirming your yes/no signals is a short cut.
Have a list of inane activities that does not require effort –doing the dishes, folding the washing, dusting, sweeping floors, patting the cat, calling a friend, listening to a record you haven’t heard in a while, picking flowers, walking – this is your go to afterwards list.
So, when the feeling occurs, make a deal with your non-conscious – to allow yourself to experience now or soon – depending on where you are – and stick to it. Decide you will allow the emotion to run for a fixed period of time in a safe place – 20 minutes, ½ an hour, however long seems right – without judgement. Remember this is just an emotion. If you can let it run without rationalisation or judgement, its hard to hold on to for a long period time. Also decide on what on what you will do as soon as the time is up – the dishes, make a coffee, anything from your go to list.
The more that you can accept the emotions without rationalisation or hanging on to any thoughts and allow them to flow without taking action on the thoughts, the easier it is to rebalance and move forward.
Remember any emotion holds potency depending on the meaning you ascribe to it. If you can let the ones you don’t want to experience pass, without meaning and judgement, you will experience more of the ones you want.