We live in a world of social media claims of instant millionaires and perfect bodies. Perfectly presented photographs and idyllic holiday shots. The world is at our fingertips – full of positivity and instant gratification. Our brains delete that people can post anything they like, using photo editing and perfect copywriting to hook us in. They show the best of themselves and their lives, and certainly not any negativity.
The social media perfect highlights reel is the leading cause of low self-esteem and depression in our youth. Due to the social nature of our need for acceptance, they self judge their lives against the perfection others portray. And even as adults we strive for perfection and to be the digital reflection we use to distract ourselves.
What happened to being human? To learning and discovery, innovation and confidence learned through failing. Failing is a wonderful way of discovering new strategies to be successful. It’s a part of learning and puts us all on the road to mastery. Failing is a verb. It’s a doing word.
I’m involved in a project to reduce the escalating youth suicide rate. I’ve had four close friends end their life in suicide. I have had an inside look from the brink of suicide. It is not an instant decision, but it is one that can be made in heartbeat. Aaron and I have worked with people with severe depression, and have worked with parents of at-risk youth. The common statement that comes up “I’m a failure”. Its an identity statement. Their expectations of how life should be doesn’t match the results they’re getting. “I’m depressed” – is an identity statement.
Have you ever tried to create a new habit, a new way of thinking, or tried to learn something and then stopped? Do you wonder why you’re not getting instant results when it looks so easy for anyone else? Do you feel like your life is shit sometimes?
I remember when I was first learning to drive. I had no idea how I was going to manage everything – the wing mirrors, rear view, clutch gears accelerator and brake. Other traffic, pedestrians. Road hazards. There was so much to learn. I got it wrong sometimes, scrapped the paint, crunched the gears, narrowly missed a parked car. In failing I developed more awareness, but I did not consider myself a failure – I saved that for something else. However when learning to drive, I think we all know it takes time. For many, learning to live, to be our own version of acceptable should be as instant as we see on social media.
I was excited to find filters on my phone camera and snapchat that make me look 20 years younger and really beautiful. I mean – seriously gorgeous. And then I looked at the plastic perfection and did a reality check. Not many people notice my imperfections – and if they do, that’s fine. I’m human. Not a 2d photo shopped meme. But our youth don’t have the experience of life before digital enhancements. Many think if its on the internet it has to be true. They forget anyone can post anything – researching to verify information is not well taught anymore.
Want to feel better? Do you want those new habits, new thoughts, new skills? I’ve got two easier ways to get results. First of all, give yourself permission to learn and to experience not getting it right first time. Define what experiential learning means to you – and how to use failure as feedback to getting your outcome. This is where you begin to master problem solving strategies.
Go on a social media fast. Take all of your social media apps off your home screen if you use your phone for work, and shut it in a drawer when you get home. Your children’s brains are being fried by social media scrolling and so are yours. Your ability to multitrack, scan and pay attention to anything else is corrupted in your neural network. Take the social media devices away from children and do not continue use your devices in front of them. Humanly interact with each other. Be kind to the people you’re with, including yourself. Many people value their relationship with social media and their phones than they do themselves and their loved ones.
Be human. Learn, fail, discover. Celebrate your humanity. You are amazing, but people cannot see you behind your phone or the social media perfection you spend so much time paying attention to. The real world is waiting – and so are your children.